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JUST MOVING ON-38



First of all,ever since I've been following mindfulness,I have put enough restrictions on myself and sometimes I feel like I'm chained to something.Its not that I doubt the teachings at all,it is just because I've not understood it properly or maybe the transformation is showing its effect.
From today,I will have a change of attitiute towards a lot of things although based on the same ideals which I've developed over time.
Starting with the immediate controls I wish to strenghthen:
  1. There will be no smoking or alcohol at all,whatever the situation.Initially,I put a blanket ban on smoking but as time has passed I've become more lenient with myself and these days smoke at few instances.But,whether its once a day or 10 times a day,it is not permitted so from now onwards,I will ban smoking or any intoxicating substance,for that matter.I've retricted myself from alcohol and will continue to do so.
  2. During the days here at the college there were instances where I felt like a failure and all seemed lost.For those moments,I've devised an approach which is non attachment to results,all things included.I've been working on it for the past few months and have achieved considerable success.Although there have been instances when I failed and For those days only I've a few quotes:
"It is better to fail doing something than not trying at all.”
"Failures are the pillars towards success,but unfortunately in present circumstances success is all everyone wants,ignoring the contribution of failures in making up a success!”

3.Towards the people,my attitude has been sometimes kind,sometimes rude while sometimes being non reactive.It is very important to understand the difference in thinking and hence I should avoid passing judgements at all costs.Even if I feel tempted to do it,I should resist,just for the sake of it. If one can't enjoy the difference of opinion,his/her judgements only represent the stupitidy of the person.So,it is necessary to put in my mind that all humans are good in nature.Its only the roots of greed,delusion and hatred which compel to do the unwanted acts.Same parmeters apply to myself as well.And hence it is necessary to ascertain that I too like all others am good by default and have to stay so.
4.I'm not a good speaker and hence almost everytime,I feel,like I should work on it.All works fine but when it seems to speaking in front of few persons,things get blacked out.Only a few days back I humiliated myself when I was unable to speak a few lines in front of my juniors and teachers in the college just because things got blacked out.So,I need to understand and learn some things about public speaking as it is not optional at least in the present day.
Now as this college is over I feel like before moving on to the next level,I should know what are the things that I achieved here and what are the instances/areas where I failed.And since I'm not someone who hesitates in criticizing himself,things might get really rough.But who cares,this is how I am this is how I'll be in this lifetime at least.
So,here are a few of the areas where I failed miserably:
  • I did not do well in academics.There were instances when my friends expected me to score more but to the disappointment of theirs and mine as well,I could not do it.It is not that I'm not equipped with the potential,rather its because I did not put the right effort in the right place.Most of my study time went in reading about history,politics and wars as well as a litte bit of philosophy.Although tempting,these factors contributed a lot in myself performing not so satisfactorily in the examinations and as I finish my degree the percentage mark is way below what I expected at the start of college!But as always there are positive things to look from it as well.
  • On the personal front too I have conceded a lot.I've set some ideals in order to measure myself in day to day behaviour and with time I think,I conceded a lot.And hence sometimes the repent related to it engulfs me.
If we leave negative portion apart which consist of about 10% of my total experiences(rest 90% is necessarily positive),there is not much to worry about at the moment.I've been enjoying my life as always and have not gone way too far from where I should have been at the moment.In short,I feel more or less I'm on the right path at the moment and hence it fills me with huge amount of self confidence!

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