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JUST MOVING ON-36


My life is better these days as I don't have time to sit over and murmur that I do nothing all day.Ever since I've been alone,which has been so for almost 2 weeks now,I do not have enough time to waste,doing nothing.I have to do everything a householder does without complaining at least.There is no one to hear.Be it cooking,washing clothes or cleaning the house as well as utensils I've been doing it all and the positive thing is that I don't feel any fatigue.
Well,if someone can't be at peace with his/her present life I feel sorry for the person and thankfully I'm not so anymore.Earlier I used to complain about almost anything not favourable but as time passes and I grow up,I realise the futility of it.Each day is a great teaching experience in itself and I take every experience as a teaching in this grand subject called life.No one teaches us,nobody will force us to do anything,it is up to oneself to decide whether he wants to learn or not.There is no syllabus and of course we are supposed to be students of this subject for life and yes exams are always there.I feel each day is an examination of ourselves and even though I fail sometimes,I gather enough courage to rise up and perform next time.I don't know why life,such a beautiful gift has been complicated to such an extent,it is easy and breezy for me at the present moment.
A few days back,I used to have problems regarding my behaviour with respect to persons around me,I feel I am not polite.But the inner part of me says its no use faking oneself hence,take every opportunity as a chance to cultivate my character.I am a different person as people tell me but I'm not bothered.I don't talk a lot about myself with others.This semester too like others passed away and the day when we started it still feels like yesterday.This phase too passed in my life and it is a matter of days when I'll be called a graduate.
Then it is again running here and there for a seat in the university,which is of course no child's play.My goal in life is not crystal clear but I'm again not thinking about it too much.Right now I'm in control of my life and will look to consolidate it further.If I can control myself,I don't think anyone/anything else can.So there are no worries about where I'll be in future.People often ask me,as usual and I reply differently to different persons.The thing is to convince the person asking,so I do comfortably.Then,my public interaction is also next to nothing so there are a few opportunities when I get to talk these days.At home of course 'm not supposed to talk with myself,and I don't have any interest in going out and meeting people,as of now.So its just stay at home,do household chores and study for me now.Mindfulness has been the key in my kind of “reawakning and taking back” of myself and hence it'd be stupid of me to let go of it.
Although I've not advanced much in spirituality in the past months,I think probably my involvement with day to day activities has been the reason for it. I try to do everything with concentration but sometimes there is this sudden impulse and I lose control.I almost quit smoking a few months back but of late,I've restarted it. I feel its OK to puff in a few cigarettes occasionally but the moral guilt is something which lingers.Same is the case with bodily weakness.Although I don't feel weak and sleepy and being cheerful as well as energetic is my description.there are instances when I feel weak.Again the moral guilt plays its part.I'm supposed to take care of my body in a healthy state and if I'm not able to do so,its a big fault.These kind of struggles are common within me and I think they play an important role in shaping up my personality.

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