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JUST MOVING ON-75

I often face a lot of problems dealing with other people. One common accusation I face from others is that of being a hypocrite. But is it really so?
I don't think I am a hypocrite but yes it is true that I hold views that might be contradicting in nature at times. Before I start a full scale investigation into my personality and what's wrong with it,I don't think we can do away with the fact that I am a 21 year old person and it is but normal to hold contradictory views,as I'm ye to know the full picture of anything. Even Confucius said:At 15 I set my heart on learning,and by 30 I took my stand. So we have to wait a few more years in order to make my stand firm. What can be the factors for this contradicting views?
One very significant factor is that I still am in a learning phase. I am yet to face the many ups and downs of this life and thus am an inexperienced person,a novice. Now to expect an expert like behavior from a novice is a tough ask and I realize it. Take for instance,the career path. Of course,I am trying hard to get forward in life,and there have been moments of failure resulting in the feeling of huge disappointment. Now in order to beat that disappointment have to come up with some idea so that I don't fall in depression. I don't find a lot of people around me who support me,no matter what the case may be,but I have plenty who'll make fun of my failures. This is the main reason think it is better to make me look like a loser or someone with a very dirty mindset,so that I can be left alone for some time. This is a very negative thing to do,and probably worse that alcohol or drugs as my relationship with people could be on the line here..but I find it is an easy way.

All the problems I have in relationship to people around me including my parents and my brother are related to my career. On a personal front I have no problems with anyone. The only complain people have with me is that my words don't match with my actions and sometimes I am self contradictory,and I think it is deliberate from my side to make them think so. I am on the safe side as I don't indulge in such behavior with other people outside,but then the people on the outside have nothing to do with my career of failures regarding it! Thus if given a chance to spend some time with a person I know or with a total stranger,I'll pick up the stranger without a doubt. The stranger will have nothing to do with my past or future and we can have discussions with the present in mind. The problem with people you are acquainted with is that they always talk to you keeping in mind the past and often misunderstand you. There is no such problems with people you meet for the first time.

So is this a problem worth wasting my time upon?Not really,but I have to be quite careful while talking to people who already know me. They'll undoubtedly take me to be a hypocrite. Also I face a lot of trust issues . Somehow,I am not able to convince a lot people and often people doubt me. I can't name a lot of people who'd trust me,or have belief in me. I have become that story book character who brags a lot,nobody trusts him,and people make jokes behind his back!

But,amidst all this gloom,the positive out of the situation is that I don't take these things seriously. Someone cracking jokes on me is just like someone cracking jokes on someone else. I don't get hurt by these things. I see no insult I someone pointing my hypocrisy to me,but then I'm aware of the difference between facts and accusations. Anybody can crack jokes on me,in fact there are times I join them in making fun of me. One thing I'm absolutely clear about is that all these accusations or jokes are going to exist for a very short time. The moment I succeed in what I'm doing,all the criticism will subside and a new approach will await for me then!

Meanwhile,I am strong and brushing the allegations of being a hypocrite aside,I move forward. The life is too short to worry about the perceptions of other people,which otherwise are subject to change with time!


Whatever the case maybe,I love the character I play here,and will continue to do so as long as I'm here......

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