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JUST MOVING ON-74



Well it's been a long time since i wrote here. more than one month has passed since I last posted here, but unfortunately I have been not feeling well enough to write anything. the examinations have passed, and on the one hand I seem to be relaxed, as there is no pressure of exams on the head but in the other there is a huge uncertainty regarding my future.


I have been called for counselling at the BHU but I have a half chance there so i can't be certain about it. if the situation is that even after the counselling I don't get a seat, I'll have to reconsider my plans for the future. first of all i have to get some work as i feel useless these days . even if there is a tuition or two, I'll have some business here. the nothingness really haunts me. I have applied for some jobs as well like the coast guard and the air force but it's not an easy and quick affair and I have to wait months or even years in order to get selected.


As one year had passed since I graduated from college,I think i have been disappointing as far as my performance is concerned. if I fail to secure admission this time to, this will be my 10 th consecutive failure in this past one year and it is hard to cope. the real problem is that most of my friends have secured admissions while i sit here wondering what to do.I remember 15 days ago I almost spoilt my exam due to a sudden bout of depression.I accepted defeat even before the exam stated and of course i had no chance. that week was really horrible and I was unable to have control over myself. it was a real disaster, and as times passed and i get up from that,i see that there is a lot to work upon. my very conception of my career is under doubt and after I return, if I return from BHU, I'll have to rethink all over again.


Time is in my hand as of now.I can very easily change course to take a different path without much difficulty but the steps need to be taken now. and the fact that I'm the only one left Will force me to work harder and harder with time. did the past few months my entire focus has been on these exams alone.I have forgotten almost anything which is not concerned to my career these days and it'd it's the first time in life that I have been so concentrated about my career.


The task of getting admission in a reputed university is a really daunting one it seems and it immediately makes me realize that if i can put in such effort and yet maybe rejected this year, how much work the people enjoy are selected must have put in?it is a real eye opener for me. getting rejected again has one positive impact though: it makes me stronger with time. so with high hopes and some uncertainty, I'll present myself to the counselling staff who will then decide whether I'm in or not. it seems like a reality show isn't it?


But on the personal front I have been happy all through. even with one entire week of depression i didn't let anyone know about it or lose myself over it.i didn't lose my inner calm and while there was a lot of hopelessness around i didn't let it ruin my personal life.I mean to say I haven't lost anything that can make me hate myself or curse other people for my state.i had a few chances but sadly couldn't capitalize on them, doesn't matter life always gives us second chances, and nobody is a failure for life. there can be a lot of failures but even a single successful event erases all of them. this is the event I'm waiting for and I'm sure it is around the corner.....

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