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JUST MOVING ON-33


We all have an inbuilt desire which is to gain approval from people around us.Even the slightest of acts within our friends comes with a flavour of this desire for approval.I've spent all these years fighting with myself over this.one side of me says,well we all are humans and it is natural to feel good while being praised while it feels equally bad when being criticised,and the other part,which is more rational than intuitive warns me to stay as far as possible from acts like these.
Well,as I progress,my mind is becoming more complicated than the household wire system!and all the ideas well,although sometimes contradicting in nature find nourishment in my little mind.hence,to describe my state of mind is almost impossible even for me,I don't know if a mind hacker can do it or not.But anyways,I've abstained from greedy actions on part of myself in order to lead a peaceful life and hence even if someone praises me,I don't get impressed much for everything being a process with no start or end at all!In fact I've started getting uncomfortable whenever I get to hear some good words of praise from someone.It often leads to an inflated perception of oneself and we often readily ignore reality.
Seeking approval is not that unusual,it is our nature but then human beings have been known to conquer nature,how come we can't conquer this desire?Often I feel sad when I feel people much above the ladder than me having no control whatsoever over their behaviour and how readily they pass it on blaming nature for the sorry state.We never bend to nature,do we?
My private life is really some place where I don't allow intruders.This is the precise reason why I don't indulge in a lot of intimate relationship s.A lot of people might be making fun of me for that but then they won't understand the complications I'm facing and the only solace I get is a little few moments when I really talk with myself without being bothered by outside elements.I can then analyse my behaviour and put special efforts to improve it.
One thing that makes me uncomfortable is too much personal talk.I have a few friends who either knowingly or unknowingly cross the barrier and then I get really pissed off.I mean no one is supposed to enter my private life until I allow him/her.This is the way I've trained myself and this is the way I'll be for this lifetime at least.I always complain there is no one with whom I can share my emotions,now I feel it is futile searching for someone outside.I don't have the grudge against people anymore,I practise loving kindness and then I know when to put the limits.So by applying a few changes to my life I've reduced a lot of burden that my colleagues face and even though its been a relatively less time since I started cultivating myself,the results have been really impressive.
Reading other people has been my hobby since a long time and I feel it is an important area for me which I need to work on even more extensively if I have to succeed here in this life.Every study we do,every concept we learn the key point lies in how much you are able to convey that to other folks and precisely,in this transfer I feel the knowledge of people will play its part.If we have to live in the society we have to see and feel people otherwise be prepared to be like those ill mannered people who think of their brothers as some third class animals and always have a grudge against them.I have felt the impact of it and cannot dare to discriminate between fellow humans.I respect the right of every man's right to live with dignity and whenever I feel like I'm disrespecting someone,an intense feeling of shame overlaps me and I back out.This is the way I deal with others but most of the time there is no need for all that.I've put enough checks on me and they work just fine....

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