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JUST MOVING ON-25


It's been a week since the start of a new and obviously my last semester in this
college.Each day,as it passes I feel like inching closer to finally finishing my bachelor's degree here.Although,I've been observing myself all over but still I feel like lacking a control which I had developed some time ago.I don't know whether it is idealising expression but still I feel like my behaviour has not been upto the mark.I have had problems with concentration and as usual I feel a strange nothingness in my life almost everytime.It sometimes is helpful for me as I don't have to worry about usual day to day issues.The things made for enjoyment,don't entertain me although it may just be the mediocre stuff which I can't appreciate even in my dreams.I expect a lot both from myself as well as others and hence falter over and over a lot of times.
Nothing is permanent and I wonder if nobody has ownership of anything what is this hue and cry all about.Honestly,I don't like being among men anymore and wonder if I can live in seclusion all the way.Nothing is fascinating for me at the moment and if it goes like this what could be my position say 10 years from now?Spare a thought for my 'career' I'm supposed to build over these years.I've been a regular student but for what,I too have picked up some bits and pieces of unearthed information available which they call knowledge but for what?I mean there does not seem any meaning to it.I've been focussing on nothingness,and here it manifests in my mind almost killing all the passions inside me.It has literally killed all the desires I had over some time.I don't want to have anything,I don't want to become anything and the destination well we all know it.Then if we think it that way,there doesn't seem any purpose for cluttering this life with unnecessary stuff.I've been living an easy life with no purpose till date,going with the flow and doing whatever my mind felt could yield some happy moments as a result.Even unknowingly I've been in pursuit of the thing which everyone wants,my path being totally different and strange.But there are a lot of positives,I still have a relatively less occupied mind and hence I'm free to make decisions,I'm not run by desires or passion or expectations at all.This way I can enjoy the things which not everyone can and of course is boosting my information base. But then what controls me.Again the answer is the same nothing.Although one of the desires is still strong and I hope it does not fade away.It is my born desire to travel and explore new places.I hope in the near future I fulfil it.
So then if I feel like there is no meaning left for me,there is no one to support me,there doesn't seem any purpose,it can be counted as one of my usual days.I hope some very exciting day are round the corner and instead of sulking and getting kind of worried by my seclusion,I'm doing something productive and meaningful in life and at the same time remaining mindful of my body,mind as well as my behaviour.

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