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JUST MOVING ON-26


Complications,contradictions,misconceptions that's what my life is all about these days.I don't know whether it's my story exclusively or everyone feels the same but one thing is very clear and it is I'm all puzzled up in a positive way though.Life as usual amazes me almost everytime the thing is I don't find a way how do I fit in the scheme of things.There can't be that I have been given such a wonderous life and yet there is no purpose of it,not at all, my mind refuses to believe that.Then why is the answer so elusive to find,if it does exist.Well,can't say that but of late I've been thinking over and over about my possible position some days ahead of now.It is just the anxiety or possibly a mixed up feeling of hope as well as little fear of failure doing the rounds of my mind and I again run up to my source of motivation so that I can stay cheerful even in the times of mental agony.Agony might be a heavy word but seriously things turn up that way sometimes.
There has not been anything significant thing lately,for me to form any opinion owing to my actions as I have become what can I say dull.Well,although it is a positive thing that I don't waste a lot of precious time doing unnecessary things,yet it is important to get out and spend time among people I feel.But how?I mean I don't belong to any friends circle despite repeated efforts from friends to include me in theirs.I'll be finishing the college soon and there is a lot of seclusion to come,the only respite being the need for continuous hard work in academics in order to succeed in upcoming exams.
When it comes to study I'm like the guy who is reluctant yet curious to know.I feel like I have hundreds to answers to seek but then there is an underlying feeling that I may not be up to it. Whenever there is a concept,I feel my knowledge lacks depth.I mean I know about a lot of things but do not know the real thing.My kind of study is kind of a sweep over the concept and not getting to the depth of it.I've noticed it over quite some time and probably this is the reason I don't perform convinvingly in the examinations.I know about a 1000 things but when it comes to in depth knowledge I may be a commoner.It is not expected from a student who is majoring in a particular subject.But still,if given a chance to show off my skills in form of a talk I can outperform a lot of people although that is not exactly the issue in mention here.Well,getting to the bottom of any concept reveals a beautiful secret,the secret of truth.It is the thing that satisfies an individual.We all are here seeking truth,although the efforts may differ in magnitude.Any theory,when we get to the bottom of it has a wonderful secret for us and probably this is the reason why we study them.So,now one can imagine why I'm so dissatisfied when in the name of any concept,I get to solve mathematical equations and get awarded for that,in terms of marks.Sadly this is what I'm doing and have done in the past.The realization occurs now when I'm almost finished with my graduate degree!
I've never been a brilliant or an outstanding student so it is not expecte of me to be the best at my subject,although I have tried a lot of steps in understanding the concepts taught to me,in my own way and if I get to a position in life from where I'm supposed to guide students,I hope to impart some of these steps and make the subect more interesting.I've seen people bored of studying their subjects.What's the point of studying if you are bored of it?Actually,it's more due to laziness than anything else and I realized it a long time ago.These days I'm filling myself up with some additional amount of self confidence so that I don't lose hope in testing times ahead.I tend to find shortcuts everytime I need some help.Amazing,thinking that people need some outside support to boost confidence.In fact I think I can be a good motivation builder.In fact I'll soon look for websites where they accept the articles to improve your life.This will help others and me,well I can kill some time doing and feeling good!This kind of a monologue is sufficient if I need to express my feelings,but if I feel the need to communicate I need to talk to people,so I now consider communication with a lot of people,over the web of course with my articles,or blogposts.

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