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JUST MOVING ON -21


A lot of time my behaviour becomes impulsive.There is a sudden impulse and here it goes.It is not that bad a thing unless you have control over the circumstances.I don't,so sometimes it takes a toll on me.I feel like I'm wasting a lot of time over nothing.I usually don't have a lot of things to do at my home apart from studying and watching TV when I'm bored so it hurts more.I sometimes feel like I'm really not doing anything productive and that if it goes like this I'll fail.

I don't know but I am about to complete my graduate studies here and the way forward does not seem very clear.I've thought a lot over it and even today I've been thinking over it and yet no conclusions.One thing is that I have to go along what my heart feels like good but then the fear of failure!I guess you gotta get over it.All of us try and fail its no big deal.But we should have the courage to pick ourselves up after failure in order to succeed.I miss a lot of outdoor visits too.For years now since I live in a big city,I've been confined here itself.I mean had I been in a small town I'd definitely visit outside a lot often but here,everything is availabe at your doorstep.Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in here I just need to get out of this city.It ain't luxurious for me anymore.Although I did not have any problems as such on the contrary I've always loved this place but then being in a place for 5 years and not going out often,it takes its toll!I visit my village at least once in a year,only last month I was there but still I feel like I should leave this place for some time.

So how can I do it?Well I've to complete my PG from any university and I'll try to get into any university outside but then money will be the problem as with everyone else.I don't care as long as it does not come to survival.I'm thinking of filling up forms for various govt exams for which I'm eligible at the moment.Honestly I'm a bit nervous as it is the first time I'll be taking some serious steps regarding my life but if not now then when?

Things like this mixed with a lot of confidence boosting literature and thinking gets me going and in fact provides my with food which my mind needs in order to be healthy and focussed at present.And by the way it is one of those times when I've been so selfish in my thinking .I've never been career minded but now I feel it is my first priority in order to survive in this world.

My exams have been going right now and the usual problem i face these days is related to concentration.I've not been able to concentrate on one thing for long and it sometimes makes me pay.I've lost marks in the exams when even my friends expected me to score more.In fact my problem with concentration mixed with a lot of bombardment of informations often leads me to confusion.Even yesterday I almost ruined my exam although i had strong confidence of performing well in it.But then what is gone is gone and I need to think for what is ahead of me.I've two more exams left in this semester and after that I'm planning to prepare what i'd left in earlier year so that I'm fit enough to compete in the exams ahead.The last semester is fast approaching and I believe it'll pass by even faster so I just need to be more cautious and determined in the coming days and all the wayward thinking has no place for now at least.The better thing is that I don't have a lot of distractions in life which I can't take care of and I have somewhat visible goal ahead of me.This gives me an upper hand as I know what I need to prepare and which way to go but even then there are a whole lot of confusions.

After doing a lot of mind puzzling and net surfing I've concluded that I need to complete my PG from a reputed university as it gives me an upper hand as well as opens a lot more doors for me in the future which is definitely unclear at the moment.I just have the confidence that putting in right effort at the right time yields favourable results.

So then I guess I have to prepare myself for a whole lot of exams coming ahead in fact I'm planning to sit in 10+ exams in the coming months.I hope I clear them and then after a few days as I sit to write down again I'm a satisfied individual at least for then.
Location: New Delhi, Delhi, India

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