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JUST MOVING ON-71

Things work well in an atmosphere of mutual respect.If we demand respect from someone,we too have to extend the courtesy of respecting him/her.Often in day to day talking,we tend to lose this knowledge,and the results are frustrating at times.Personally speaking,I am at faults most of the time whether knowingly or unknowingly,I enforce my ideas on to others,and someone not of the same view that I am,doesn't manage to get respect from my side at all!

Meanwhile,for the persons who agree with me or for the persons who don't agree with me most of them time but do so at times,I am a good,reasonable person.So no wonder why I get praise from some,while curses from others.So how does this arise?How come I disregard others while forcing my way through?First of all,I am someone who is rational by nature so anything irrational is extremely irritating.Then thanks to my upbringing or I should say my way of looking at myself,I have managed to keep emotions away from my day to day dealings with others.What this means effectively is that I don't realize when the person is getting hurt by my words and how much.This is the reason why I end up speaking harsh words sometimes harsher than I intend.

On the first part,the rational one,I don't think I have any worries as such.We all have to be rational in order to move forward,period.Yet when it comes to things which are more emotional that rational,I have a lot of work to do.I mean,I have to set limits on my words,and I have to learn when and how to stop.Of course,there are plenty of individuals who have made a mess of their lives on account of their foul mouth.I don't want to be in that league.I never intend to hurt anyone,but often at times I fail to convey my message,and things end up getting way more complicated.

Recently I had a realization that no matter how confident we are of ourselves in the field of mutual relations,we end up having a few experiences which sting us really deep.Until a few days,I used to think I was a careless or rather carefree kind of person,someone who did not care about what others think of him,and then suddenly there is a disagreement with a friend,had a little skirmish and I ended up scourging myself over it.What the issue was doesn't matter but how I took it definitely does.I ended up blaming myself totally,for having such a discussion.He started lecturing me on 'good conduct' and I suddenly remembered my school days when we were always wrong even if we pretended to be right,in issues like this.I did not utter a single word in self defence,instead went into contemplating mode.A few days later,as I look back I think I was not that wrong but even then I blamed myself at the moment.Was I being weak?Or was it my lack of self confidence that I did not indulge in heated arguments?Now with  calmer mind,I think I was not wrong in being silent.Afterall,if you get a chance to self reflect why miss it?Self reflection even though sometimes painful in the short run,is always beneficial in the long run.And I managed to not ruin my friendship after that event too!

For the past one year I have been away from regular studies and now I think,it is taking a toll on me.There have been a lot of positives as well,and I'll try to note them down separately at a later time,but right now I want to focus on my mental state arising of this seclusion.I have failed in a few exams which translates to frustration and lack of self beliedf on the mental level,and I am trying to balance it by positive thoughts and taking up ways to build self confidence.Further,I have graduated and I some peoples views it is time for me to 'stand on my feet' by taking up a job and relieve my parents off my expenses.Of course I have different ideas.Although I took a few steps in that direction in the past few months,yet to leave studies and find a good job is an activity that I find,premature as far as my life is concerned.

Now as the year closes in,I think I have the chance to make or break.The exams are approaching,two weeks from now.By june last week,I think my course for the next few years will be decided......excitement doesn't seem controllable!!!!!!!!!!!

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