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JUST MOVING ON-29


Past three weeks have been indifferent from my usual perspective.i did not have a lot of free time and even Sundays were not available for rest!I appeared for the exam for defence forces and hope to make it to the next level.On a personal front,I've not been satisfactory.I almost made a mess of everything yesterday and I was definitely not in control of myself.The good thing is that I managed to control just in time and there was no significant loss.I'm someone who pays attention to every detail,even in personal behaviour so it is imperative for me to exercise control over myself.
This semester,as it progresses has so far been disappointing as far as studies are concerned.I can understand that.First I have an underlying feeling this is my last one here and things will take care of themselves.This is dangerous as I know the amount of effort I put in the past semester will have to be replicated.Of course there are not a lot of distractions for me.C'mon how can I have them?I mean at least I've some benefit of dropping out of the social circles altogether.Now I'm looking forward to the upcoming examinations which are a plenty.
I think a lot about the meaning and purpose of life itself and in this pursuit,I think the study of physics and especially its philosophy convinces me a lot.In fact it is the only science which can answer my queries.But the thing is I often confuse and intermix my studies with the problems in the society,and on account of this,sometimes lose all interest in my subject.There are no doubt some very compelling problems today and I can't but get frustrated by the events we have created in and around us.People are being murderd,women even little girls are being raped on a daily basis and I can't be sitting over these issues.I lose almost all of my focus,each time such a story breaks.Either we become insensitive and take it to be a routine thing,Or get out and shout.Both ways we find nothing convincing to mention.Being a keen observer of human behaviour I don't know how to convince myself over this kind of acts.The harmful thing is that I don't think the voices are heard across.What can we do?Shout over social media,holding hands at protests and discussing in the open will not work anymore.These things are made,I think just to convince oneself that he/she too has contributed to it nothing else.Things will have to be changed at the root level and shouting is totally futile,at least for now.
Another thing bothering me these days is the hesitation I have in talking to others.I'm not much of a talking expert and sometimes I lose interest in communicating altogether.But then there is really no use of this idle chatter.Everything else is fine but one thing disappointing me these days is my reluctance to meditate.I don't meditate at all and I don't think I can succeed without it. I am thinking of developing some kind of schedule for it so that it gets into my regular scheme of things.I follow mindfulness and more or less do it everyday but then sitting in calmness and practising it even for half an hour provides a lot of calm to the mind and prevents it from deviating.The books I have,are helpful but the thing is I don't find a lot of time to read.I hope things will get easier in a day or two.I have this week and probably the next one as well pretty relaxing and have to cover a lot of syllabus too in these days!

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