Past
three weeks have been indifferent from my usual perspective.i did not
have a lot of free time and even Sundays were not available for
rest!I appeared for the exam for defence forces and hope to make it
to the next level.On a personal front,I've not been satisfactory.I
almost made a mess of everything yesterday and I was definitely not
in control of myself.The good thing is that I managed to control just
in time and there was no significant loss.I'm someone who pays
attention to every detail,even in personal behaviour so it is
imperative for me to exercise control over myself.
This
semester,as it progresses has so far been disappointing as far as
studies are concerned.I can understand that.First I have an
underlying feeling this is my last one here and things will take care
of themselves.This is dangerous as I know the amount of effort I put
in the past semester will have to be replicated.Of course there are
not a lot of distractions for me.C'mon how can I have them?I mean at
least I've some benefit of dropping out of the social circles
altogether.Now I'm looking forward to the upcoming examinations which
are a plenty.
I
think a lot about the meaning and purpose of life itself and in this
pursuit,I think the study of physics and especially its philosophy
convinces me a lot.In fact it is the only science which can answer my
queries.But the thing is I often confuse and intermix my studies with
the problems in the society,and on account of this,sometimes lose all
interest in my subject.There are no doubt some very compelling
problems today and I can't but get frustrated by the events we have
created in and around us.People are being murderd,women even little
girls are being raped on a daily basis and I can't be sitting over
these issues.I lose almost all of my focus,each time such a story
breaks.Either we become insensitive and take it to be a routine
thing,Or get out and shout.Both ways we find nothing convincing to
mention.Being a keen observer of human behaviour I don't know how to
convince myself over this kind of acts.The harmful thing is that I
don't think the voices are heard across.What can we do?Shout over
social media,holding hands at protests and discussing in the open will
not work anymore.These things are made,I think just to convince
oneself that he/she too has contributed to it nothing else.Things
will have to be changed at the root level and shouting is totally
futile,at least for now.
Another
thing bothering me these days is the hesitation I have in talking to
others.I'm not much of a talking expert and sometimes I lose interest
in communicating altogether.But then there is really no use of this
idle chatter.Everything else is fine but one thing disappointing me
these days is my reluctance to meditate.I don't meditate at all and I
don't think I can succeed without it. I am thinking of developing
some kind of schedule for it so that it gets into my regular scheme
of things.I follow mindfulness and more or less do it everyday but
then sitting in calmness and practising it even for half an hour
provides a lot of calm to the mind and prevents it from deviating.The
books I have,are helpful but the thing is I don't find a lot of time
to read.I hope things will get easier in a day or two.I have this
week and probably the next one as well pretty relaxing and have to
cover a lot of syllabus too in these days!
Comments
Post a Comment