Skip to main content

JUST MOVING ON-28


There are a lot of moments when we lose control over ourselves and then the guilt which arises often sinks my mind.It has become although a seldom occuring phenomena with all the mindfulness training,but sometimes things get way off the hand.

I often feel like I'm a total failure.I have never really 'achieved' anything and almost always I ducked the responsibilities I was embarked upon.When I sit down and close my eyes in order to look bck I don't find anything significant to mention.Although I rejoice from the fact that I'm sort of immune to all the daily worries which everyone faces.Now I don't jump to conclusion too soon but the way I'm doing these days I'm behaving more like a LOSER than Vivek.

Why do I say this?Well,I did not perform when I needed to.I duck away from the responsibility I should have taken and moreover I feel useless.It is relative though but I need some good experiences in order to move forward.I am although a guy who is light on emotions and hence never cry but I really feel useless.And then whenever we are down there are different fears trying to pull you down so that you never get up.I am a student but still I doubt my capabilities in the field I'm engaged in.Loneliness haunts me and sometimes I instead of consoling myself indulge in self attack.I mean there are no friends for me just because I've never went upto anyone!Whatever.I don't want to thing that much in negativity.it will only spiral down to bottom.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NAGALAND: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Not too many people have Nagaland in their bucket list. Uncomfortable roads, poor transport system and a lot of corruption are a few factors which contribute to it. Added to it the stories of still active insurgency, Nagaland although an extremely beautiful hill state doesn’t manage to have a lot of tourism going on except for the Hornbill festival in December every year. But, my case is slightly different. Affinity towards the culture of the entire North east, plus a desire to visit not to tourist frequented places made Nagaland a definite must go. So, when I got time and saved some money, I immediately planned a trip to the beautiful hilly state with my girlfriend. The Nagaland express Since, th is was my second trip towards the hills of the North east, I was more confident and familiar with the sytem than the previous time. We booked a filght to Guwahati and from there we took a train to Dimapur aptly named : The ”Nagaland Express”. This...
Post a Comment
Read more

STARTING NEW LIFE AT BHU..

BHU gate Lanka Finally after a hectic 10 day period in which I moved from Delhi to Varanasi twice and ran here and there continuously throughout,I am finally at peace.Getting admitted to BHU was like a dream come true for me.I have aspired to be a part of this prestigious institution ever since my childhood and the satisfaction I feel these days is hard to express by words. The results were out in the first week of July and ever since then,I have been restless.I clearly remember how I spent two entire weeks,losing my sleep and being restless throughout.The restlessness is taking a toll on my body and I feel a little tired but as almost everything is settled now,there is no issue as such with regard to tiredness.Moreover,the excitement of living in a place like Varanasi is too much to overcome.It always had a very special part in my heart and now as I have got the full two years to live here,it is satisfying indeed! Leaving the family  is never a happy affair and it is sadde...
Post a Comment
Read more

THIS BLOG...LET'S SEE HOW WE PROGRESS!

On this blog page,broadly speaking there are articles representing my state of mind at that very moment. Naturally,some of these are positive,indicating I was in a happy state of mind at that moment while some of them are negative indicating otherwise. I was thinking why I put so much of my inner workings of the mind on a place like blogger! Well,I don't think this is meant for a lot of public audience. I don't seek any readers,although someone very close to me can read them with no hesitation what so ever. As far as I'm concerned,I think it will serve as a reminder,when in later years I read back these articles and then laugh about the way I used to think!Writing as a hobby is very interesting one as well as it opens the doors to many possibilities isn't it?While,I might not be writing anything significant,but I'm writing some stuff nevertheless,and it is definitely going to help me in the long run. I love reading books of different genre,and will start writ...
Post a Comment
Read more