These days I'm having a lot of free
time and I'm enjoying the way my life is going on.No complaints,no
regrets,no expectation just going with the flow well this is freedom
and only someone who thinks my way can understand what I'm talking
about.I care for
nothing.I'm here spending my life,in the middle of a process,never
ending and unexplainable at least for me at this moment.So what
stays?Nothing.This is the renunciation I heard of probably but I've
just started and have a long way to go.Whether I succeed or not who
cares.
Now the thing is I have to keep a
constant watch on myself so that I don't deviate.By this I don't
imply i'm bound by some strange dogma or stuff like that it's just
simple rules(too light) that i've created for myself in order to
survive in this society(and don't seem crazy!!).Because the way I
think its just moments before people declare me a lunatic.So I needed
something like morals to follow and hence I found the easiest among a
lot and it is the Buddhist teachings.I find it easy and suitable for
me.It's more like the philosophy of Hinduism without a God and hence
freedom from rituals.So I get along pretty well and it has benefited
me a lot.From becoming a tolerant guy to meditating on loving
kindness I've seen it all and life has never been so beautiful.I've
learnt not to heat myself up over silly things and I love myself as
well(which was missing until now!).All right then Buddhism kind of
brought me on the right path now I needed some ideals.Even though I
don't feel the need now but sometimes a trigger is necessary.So I
turned to Confucius.For ideals I still refer to his superior man.I'm
talking about the doctrine of the mean in which he glorifies the
superior man.And then once you are in the realm of philosophy you
never get out and so dived in deeper.And then something interesting
happened.
Ever since my childhood,yes the days
when I did not know the abc of philosophy,I bluntly rejected the idea
of religion,God and ritual.I belong to an orthodox hindu brahmin
family and in addition to that,my family is often involved in
religious activities but during childhood I was forced to perform some
rituals but I did not agree.I remember when throwing away the holy
thread from my shoulders I contemplated what's the use of showing it
off if I can't respect it.So in short I've been an atheist ever since
childhood whether knowingly or unknowingly.And then some situations
arise which turn your life and owing to those situations I turned a
non believer.My exposure to media,Internet and philosophy has turned
me into a non believer and this is the way I'll go.So after I got in
the realm of philosophy I heard the name of J Krishnamurti and the
thought of that guy has amazed me not because its different but its
very similar to the lines I think on.I'm although not well known of
his texts but I'll soon be as I've got some interest there.
Now coming to my academics well
physics,what can I tell about it?On the one hand I love physics and
on the other I'm in doubt over my abilities in grasping its concepts.I think it's
just because I've not tested myself until now.I'm kind of introvert
when it comes to discussions and it leaves an imprint that I don't
know.No I know its just that things don't come out properly or get
cluttered at the right moment.I'm now in the final year and it's been
a pretty busy last 8 weeks as the syllabus is too much for me to play
around.We have been introduced to quantum mechanics this semester and
other topics too are not a piece of cake.Well the relief is that
electronics is easy.
So in short I've adjusted myself or I
should say tuned to the rhythm of life and nothing seems
tedious.Getting up early has become a habit,I'm energetic entire day
and yes my mind has started shedding ideas leading to unwholesome
results.So what more do I need!Well expectations from life but then
who am I to expect.I mean why waste time and energy on that when I
can enjoy my life at the moment.In fact I've been cautious in my
performance of actions and will be even more as time passes...
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