I'm really alone these days.There does not seem anyone to support me but the good thing is that i don't feel the need for approval.I disagree with a lot of people and sometimes things get real bad and I am almost on the verge of losing myself over it.Today too in the morning I started something I should not have and had some consequence which is unfavourable.Actually I talked too much and sometimes you have the 'foot in your mouth' moment and it happened to me..well,almost.I started boasting about something and things got into a realm of personal ego clash,which i do usually abstain from.
I feel whenever we have communication,its our character more than the words which has the value.I have not spent enough time creating my character and now I'm paying off.Well even though I did not pay attention to these things earlier,I do now and will continue to do until I fix my character.So I'm myself in a lot of doubt over my character let alone others.The thing is that i'm not able to communicate properly and it really stings sometimes!Whenever we are discussing something people pay more attention to the character rather than the value of the words.Let me take an example.Suppose I say something,the man sitting in front of me will first filter my words through my character,I mean he'll compare it with something ,then he'll analyse them according to his conscience and only then my words will reach his mind and he'll reply accordingly.So now I felt the importance of character.I feel sometimes the whole analysis I used to do of human character and mind was false and I was wrong but now I hope,I do the right thing.So what did I learn today?Not to speak at improper times an once I start speaking I have to know when to apply brakes otherwise I'll be having a lot of unexpected problems.
Good character can be developed anytime and I can start anytime.i've realized one thing.There are a lot of problems but its no use crying over them.The ony thing is that first we have to acknowledge the problem and then we have to troubleshoot.It's a pretty easy way and necessary as I feel because the problem stings at some point in the life and the pain well,no one likes it.So,the problem at hand is over speaking,lack of control over speech and rude behaviour.Well I have a few ways to solve them and although I've made some progress it is too little to mention.
The other thing is I clash a lot with others not physically but ideologically.I don't know maybe its just a hbit or something not explainable,I get uncomfortable once people on't agree with me.Yes it is a narrow mindset and i realize it as an obstacle.So I've thought over and developed a few tricks to solve this problem:
*First I've to get rid of my ego.I don't know a lot and there is an infinite ocean of knowledge to learn.
*Second,like me others too are on a pedestal,some higher than me some lower,clashing with others will only result in both of us falling.
*Third the world would be plain and boring if everyone thought the same way.In fact the beauty of our mind is its diversity.There are 7 billion people in this world and infinite ideas in those people.So if I can't enjoy this diversity lets just be quiet.
*Ideals develop and they are never fixed so its of no use clinging to any one of them for I'll look like a stupid once I stop following it.It's like a creeper which falls down once you pull the stick down.
*I've to develop compassion and tolerance and I've taken some very ositive steps in that direction.
So then with the problems been discussed let me now mentio the fun I'm having these days.Well the people around me are really nice and I've never had a problem with anyone until date and I hope I won't have any.My behaviour has been satisfactory the only thing is that some people still see me through the lens of the past but that's no problem.It'll fade away soon.An as far as my academics are concerned I've done satisfactory progress.Well I forgot to mention one thing:I've developed a very negative trait these days as well and I need to get rid of it.Ever since I've been rejecting others' ideas I've started to thing myself as superior to others.Whatever the reason ths is a bad thing and I've to restrict my self.I don't know anything more than others so its no use showing off my information to others especially in these days when everything is availabe on a click.I need to get rid of it as it is weighing too heavy on me.Everything else is going fine.I've completed 8 of the 12 weeks assigned in this semester and I don't feel any fatigue in fact I'm as energetic as the first day.
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