So
finally May is over and a lot of my examinations have concluded too.
It means, on one hand I am relaxed and calm while on the other I am
excited or should say nervous about my results ahead. This
nervousness will subside soon as I won't have to wait longer than a
month for the results. I have only one major exam left but I think I
have studied what I need to and it is just a matter of time before it
passes too.
I
remember,back in last June I mentioned that my path to future will be
decided by the middle of this month,all I can say that it is still
undecided. I have appeared for exactly 6 examinations this year,4 of
them have been disappointing while the two recent ones raise a
glimmer of hope,which is necessary. I have one more chance to get
ahead. Only yesterday I appeared for the BHU entrance exams. The
question paper did not seem to difficult but once I arrived home I
found a few of my mistakes which were silly in nature. It leaves me
at a critical point. I can't be assured of a seat nor I can say I
won't make it. But I have done what I had to do,th results are not in
my hand so no worries for now.
Coming
to the relaxing part first let me describe how complicated my life
has become for the past few months. Ever since I learned of my
failure in two exams in the month of march,I have been restless and
left no stone unturned for a seat in the Msc programme. I have been
studying,as hard as possible taking least amount of entertainment and
spent my free time worrying for the exams ahead. Moreover,I realized
I am not immune to day to day problems. I was
worried,nervous,emotional and frightened. Ever since the exam got
over yesterday,I have been looking at the past two months.
Had I
put in this amount of hard work and dedication an year ago,the story
would have been different altogether!
But,that's
the way things are. Maybe I'll fail even this year and then I have to
kind of reboot my life..and look for a different career path. But it
will be a very difficult transition. I might not be able to cope,I
might have bouts of depression,I might even start cursing myself for
being a repeated failure etc..If that is the case,I think I won't
have much say in it and I think I should let time play itself.
We
all can try can't we,but the result is not within our control. And
even worse is the thing that you might not get a chance to perform
again. Let's see what's in store for me in the coming days...
For
the moment,I am riding on hopes that I'll be able to find a seat this
time,and will move forward in life with various kind of experiences
from the past year. If I manage to have my way and get admission to
the desired university,i think it will be a victory for me and will
serve as a reward for the hard work I have put in,for the past one
year. It will serve as a reminder for the rest of my life and I will
be able to restart my regular studies with a greater enthusiasm and
joy.
If
you earn something,the joy gets doubled isn't it?
On
the other hand,if I fail to clear the exams this time too,I will have
to rethink about my future. There are a variety of ways one can take
and at the moment,i don't think I have any problems with switching my
ways,although there will be a difficult time adjusting to new kind of
life and dreams.
Whatever
it is,I think there is no denying to the fact that I have worked hard
for the past one year,only in the hope of success in the
examinations. If it comes fine,a few moments to celebrate will be
there followed by an inner satisfaction.
But
I have to keep in mind that:
Hope
for the best,prepare for the worst.
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