The year
is about to end,almost 6 months have passed since I left college and
now I feel there is a certain nervousnes regarding the exams coming
soon.I have been studying continuously but for the past few weeks I
feel I have not been up to the mark.I sometimes doubt my capabilities
and yes some if not most part of my sylllabus definitely goes over my
head.I have been watching it over time and feel frustrated when I'm
not able to understand the thing I'm trying to.
Weekends
especially sunday is off for me.I don't study much on sundays.Most of
the sundays are spent watching TV at home or with friends at some
public place.I feel it is much needed as we get to meet each
other,share our feelings and have a lot of talk on other issues.I
will be disappointed if i don't manage to clear the exams and thus
I'm trying my best to succeed.At the moment the top focus of my life
is getting to a graduate program at any of the top institutes and
further my studies.
At home
there has not been much change for the last few months.Everything is
as it was a few months ago.I picked up a few tuitions to kill some
time and gain teaching experience,which is being done quite
satisfactorily.The only problem that occurs during these tuitions is
when the students don't perform.You begin to question yourself,you
start thinking all was your fault.But I have seen more than the
teacher,it is the ignorant student who is responsible.Other than that
it works fine,you get warm reception,people respect you for your job
and it is a good mind refreshing 1-1.5 hour session.I enjoy doing
it.I have to study for a few minutes prior to the class so that I
don't end up being confused like the student.Overall it is a good way
for someone like me to kill time and make some money doing so.The
only glitch is that the student must perform well otherwise you might
end up like a stupid who doesn't know how to do his job.
I have
not left the city for quite some time now.I don't know why,but the
time doesn't seem suitable to go out for a week or so.I feel like
once the exams are over,I'll get a lot of free time and then I can
have some outstation tour if possible.I don't think I'll be able to
go out for anouther two months.I have to study too much in that
period.March and probably april will be the best time to visit some
outstation place as the weather will be nice and I'll have plenty of
time too.I have not been in touch with a lot of people since I left
college,but it has been my nature.Earlier I used to complain about
it,but now I feel it is one of my best characteristics.I can focus a
lot more on the things I want to,without bothering about a lot of
people around me.
Recently,I
have thought against writing about myself every week.Because I was
bored of writing about the same thing again and again.I think I write
something here because I don't have someone else.I think it as a
useful tool to put my ideas,and by typing them up,I think,relieves me
as well.As humans we want to share as much as possible.But isolation
too has been a luxury these days!I have to sync myself with others
and in that I feel maintaining a good distance is absoultely
necessary.By not being involved too much in others' lives,I save
myself a lot of time and energy.The flip side is that when I do feel
down and out,there is no one to pick me up!And there I feel by
writing my ideas I gain a sort of mental relief!
These
days,there has not been any exciting event in my life.Everything is
moving forward the way it should,I don't have to apply myself too
often to the situation,I think this continuous flow needs to be
continued,at least until I get what I want these days.I have taken a
break for alost an year and I don't want it to go in vain.
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